Truth #1 Only Love Is Real

"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Isn't it so? I've been looking for this key since as far back as I can recall.

As I was a slower learner as compared to my younger sister, I remembered the praises my dad sang of her all day long. In my attempt to gain my father's love, I strive to excel in my study. When I finally proved myself in Primary Three, coming in Top 3 in my class, my father's love still evaded me. How could I earn the right to that key?

Growing up, I was fascinated by the love one received on stage after delivering a powerful speech. Despite my shyness, I proudly put my name in for a speech contest when I was in Secondary One. After spending day and night memorizing the entire speech, my nerves took the better of me. I walked off the stage with no dignity, sentencing my voice to death after my mind played a nasty trick on me as it went completely blank once I was done with my opening statement! Love had once again evaded me. Was I not good enough for love?

These and many other experiences proved to me that I was only good enough to stay in the background, as my parents used to say, "Girls are to be seen, not to be heard!".

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

Since I could not find the key, my soul was trapped in its hiding place for many years. Just like any normal people, I went through my life normally... finished my education, found jobs, worked hard, married and set up a family. I was like a frog in a well. My soul was trapped deep down in the well and I couldn't find the key!

Then with the birth of my child, love took a new dimension... it must have made my soul crawl out from its hiding place somehow! I found myself rediscovering my voice through the years as I struggled with anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, shame and depression. All my past understanding about love was put to test!

Test #1 Be a good girl/boy!

Thanks to my upbringing, I had always been a good girl. Since when? Probably after all the canings, if I could recall correctly. As my girl was growing up, "Be a Good girl" was my motto. When that was challenged, I found myself clutching the cane tightly in my hand with my whole body as hard as a rock as anger exploded in every single cell in my body. After the anger, came the tsunami of guilt! Hugging my crying angel to sleep, I was very determined that this shall be the last time that I am disciplining with anger.

As I watched myself playing the role of a mum and many other parents I encountered, I started to question the meaning of love when one said something like, "Be a good boy and behave!", or "Your sister is so good, why can't you just be like her?", or "Are you naughty or nice?", etc. What was the message to the little child? "If I don't behave, my parents will not love me.", "I am not as good as my sister.", "My parents love my sister more than me.", "If I'm naughty, I would not be loved.", fill in whatever thoughts that came into your mind when you were 2 to 7 years old.

To that little mind, Love is conditioned upon Being a Good girl/boy!

Test #2 Study hard, this is the safest route to success in life!

This advice had created many brilliant adults and it had also created many estranged families. I was told of too many unhappy stories where one mother went into depression because her child did not do well in examinations, a youth needing medication to sleep as he was overly stressed up with his studies, a father and son beat each other up and ended up in police station as the boy spent his time mixing around with inappropriate group of friends instead of studying, and many more.

Parents with all their purest intention wanted to give the best to their children. Would they stop and ask, "Is this the best way to educate my child and prepare my child for his/her future?"

What is education?

What does one need to learn in this world, in this life? When I challenged myself with these questions, I was humbled. I did have my university degree, I did study hard, am I successful in life? Not until I unlearned and relearned!

Learning comes when one experiences life and internalizes the lessons within oneself. As a person learns, he/she grows and expands! Are our children of this age truly learning or are they just memorizing for the sake of acing or passing examinations? I am not against any education system, do not get me wrong. There are children who strive and thrive in current education system. However, there are also those who were victimized by it.

To these growing up mind, Love is conditioned upon Good Grades or even Acing Exams!

For some adults, good grades is just not good enough!

With just the above 2 tests (there are many more), I found myself failing miserably in the understanding of LOVE. I wonder if there is an examination on LOVE, how will we score as an individual, an adult, a parent, a lover and humanity as a whole? As Helen Keller very well put it, "The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart."

So, in order for one to fully understand and appreciate LOVE, one must be willing to feel with the heart. Only love is real, everything else is a call for love! I would not have understood this without Breathwork and Meditation. Everything that I read about and heard about stayed in my head for many years. I thought I knew what love is. I thought I was a loving person. I thought I had been giving love unconditionally. All these crumbled when I started Breathwork! My heart was so blocked that I could not feel this best and most beautiful thing in this world! Not until I became a Breathworker and worked on myself for 2 full years! Along the way, I did have some glimpse of this mysterious thing called "Love". But, I could only fully understand and appreciate it after breathing and meditating for the past 2 years.

I love a question posed by Osho in one of his many books:-

Do you think Love has a problem with anything?

Sit with this, ruminate on it, sleep over it... what is your answer to it?

I would like to close this sharing with below quote:-

"The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate.

It is focused attention." - Richard Warren

May you feel the love within your heart!

May you express your love unconditionally,

first to yourself, then to others!

Love & Light to All!